Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
