Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
