True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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