Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
