1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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