i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
