i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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