You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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