So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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