Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
