everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
