white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
