you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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