ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
