Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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