We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
