i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
