Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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