Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
