I will die if light touches me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
