He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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