i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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