I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
