whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
