Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
