i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
