tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love having hate sex.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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