if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
