One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
