p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
