He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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