Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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