that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We got so high we made milksteak
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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