i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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