As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
