Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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