my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
