I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
