Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
