I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
