Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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