Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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