I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
