Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
