Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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