you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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