I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
