Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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