I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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