I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
