but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
