Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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