I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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