I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
