so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so much tequila, so little girl.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
