if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
