Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
