I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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