Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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