if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize