babies were throwing up all over the place
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
