Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
