i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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