You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.