Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

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(845): View more from New York

Because ur a stupid bitch

(1-845): View more from New York

Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

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(646): View more from New York

Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(618): View more from Illinois

No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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(440): View more from Ohio

when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me

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