ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle