I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
