My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO