Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me