FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
