I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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