You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
