It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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