Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
