I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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