Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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