im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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