my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
