you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
