i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
