Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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