I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
