I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
