when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
